


you can hear it in the silence

by hanzios



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: (oh my god they were roommates), Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Alternate Universe - High School, Homophobic Language, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, and they were ROOMMATES, kind of like a dead poets society au, theyre just two dumb boys in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-02-23 10:33:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23710114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanzios/pseuds/hanzios
Summary: 4 times Sonny almost confessed to Rafael + 1 time he realized he didn't need toOR: Boarding School AU
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 55





	you can hear it in the silence

**Author's Note:**

> i rewatched dead poets society and thought, what if barisi?

**i.**

It has only been a week since Sonny’s been at Northwood Preparatory School, and yet the infatuation he’s had with his senior roommate hasn’t dwindled.

Hell, it has actually grown _exponentially_.

It wasn’t even his fault. Rafael Barba, despite the snide remarks and snarky comments he frequently threw into Sonny’s way, was just too magnetic for Sonny to actually even be slightly mad at him. As a matter of fact, he actually enjoyed their little banter, _and_ the fact that Rafael paid extra attention to him. It was pathetic, Sonny admitted. But he didn’t really care.

Despite being a senior, Rafael didn’t transfer to Building C, where all the single rooms were. All of his classmates had been thrilled to finally get out of Building B, but apparently not Rafael. He never told him why, and they weren’t really friendly enough for Sonny to even ask. He just considered himself lucky, being a sophomore and rooming with the top student of Northwood.

But contrary to what one might believe, Sonny doesn’t _just_ fantasize about a certain pair of green eyes at school.

Today, he’s had a particularly rough day. He’d barely made it through his Trig quiz alive, and the Chemistry experiment on 3rd Period was mind-numbingly too complex for his own good. He wasn’t dumb by any means (his grades were good enough to get _in_ this goddamn school), but the place was just next level. The lessons, paired with being so far away from home, and the new routines were being too much to handle in a week.

As soon as Sonny entered his bedroom, he turned off the lights and threw his blazer and books into his desk. He kicked off his shoes and sank into his bed sheets.

The exhaustion easily pulled him into slumber, and he never woke up until later.

He didn’t know what time it was when he heard the door squeak open. Sonny shifted in his bed as the lights flickered open, a bright white greeting him. He covered his face with his arm.

“Carisi? I didn’t know you were here,” Rafael said, voice low and apologetic.

Even with his blurred vision, temporarily blinded by the light, Sonny could see Rafael walking towards his desk, setting down his books.

“Dinner’s on in about fifteen minutes. Aren’t you coming?” There was something about the tone in Rafael’s voice that made Sonny melt. He’d tried to sound disinterested, but the younger boy could see through him. He was always good at reading people.

“Nah, I–“ Rafael turned to look at him over his shoulder. “I’m fine. Thanks, though. I think I’m just gonna go to sleep.”

“You sure?”

Sonny didn’t know why Rafael was even asking _._ “Yeah. Don’t worry about me, Barba.”

Rafael shrugged, already turning towards the door. “I’m not.” There he was.

He wasn’t sure if it was his distance from Rafael, or his half-asleep brain playing tricks on him, but it _looked_ like Rafael gave him a small smile before turning off the lights and disappearing out the door.

With his heart a little bit fuller, Sonny buried himself deeper in his sheets, and fell asleep.

+

When he woke up again, it was to the sound of the bedroom door opening. Sonny has always able to wake up easily through tiny sounds; something that is both a blessing and a curse. He blinked slowly, staying put, thinking Rafael would just go to bed.

Instead, Sonny felt movement coming near him. It took his eyes a few seconds to adjust to the darkness. And when it did, he found a Rafael-sized shadow setting something on Sonny’s bedside drawer.

Confused, Sonny asked, “Barba?”

From the darkness, Rafael walked back a few steps. In front of the window, there was a little bit of moonlight that came through the slit of the curtains, painting the side of his face. “Carisi, you’re awake.”

Sonny rubbed his eyes. “Yeah. M’a light sleeper.” He reached for the lamp on his bedside table and flicked it on. What sat beside the orange light was a paper bag. From his peripheral vision, he saw Rafael take a seat on his own bed as Sonny looked inside the contents of the bag.

Surprisingly, he found two sandwiches wrapped up in tissue paper. Tonight’s dinner, most probably.

Rafael spoke up. “You really shouldn’t go to bed hungry, Carisi.”

Sonny’s eyes were still fixated inside the bag, disbelieving that _Rafael Barba_ had actually gotten him dinner at one of Sonny’s worst days so far. A swarm of butterflies flew inside his gut and took shelter. So much for being an innocent crush.

“Barba, uh… you really didn’t have to–“

“It’s not a big deal,” Rafael said, shrugging. Clipped and short. “Besides, there were so much leftovers tonight. Couldn’t let that go to waste.” He added the last part quickly.

His features looked so soft, bathed in the orange glow. His tie hung loose around his neck, sleeves rolled up, revealing his veiny arms. The gel from his hair was practically non-existent, browns lenient on top of his head. This was the most dressed down he’s ever seen Rafael. And they were _roommates._

Sonny pushed himself up with his elbows, taking the paper bag into his lap. He really did wake up hungry, and he was eternally grateful for what Rafael had done for him. He thought the other boy would just change and go about his own business, but he didn’t.

Rafael has been surprising Sonny in a lot of different ways tonight.

“How are you holding up?”

Sonny looked up from his delicious tuna sandwich like a deer in the headlights. He swallowed, averting his gaze. “You know. It’s taking a while for me to adjust to the place, but I’ll get there. Eventually. It just takes time.”

“Are you always this sickeningly optimistic?” Rafael slightly tipped his head to the side. _Cute._

“Just when I’m well-fed,” Sonny replied, earning him a small chuckle.

The both of them started to move on their beds, settling into a comfortable position. Rafael had his back pressed against the wall, Sonny doing the same opposite him. They were both now facing each other, the only light source being Sonny’s lamp. Rafael propped up one knee, resting his elbow over it.

Sonny took another bite, a silence hanging over them. He had all of these things he wanted to say, but didn’t have the courage to get past his mouth. One wrong move and this friendship could end before it even started.

God knows Sonny didn’t want this to end.

So, in a low voice, Sonny asked, “Why are you being so nice to me?”

Rafael opened his mouth, then closed it again. He dropped his knee, shrugging. “Because I wished someone would’ve talked to me on my first week here.”

Sonny looked up at that. From all the rumors he’d heard about Rafael, none have indicated that he was ever an outcast. The boy was decorated with medals and achievements, with people flocking over to him like birds. In a preparatory school, clever boys got all the fame and attention. And Rafael… he was better than most of them.

He continued, “I was just this chubby kid from the Bronx, surrounded by all of these smart, preppy trust fund kids.” His mouth twitched ever so slightly. “I’m not rich, like them. Not by any means. I just got this big, loud mouth. And so I put it to use.”

Sonny nodded, laughing. “You sure do.” (He remembered just a few days ago, when he began putting up his 80’s movies posters and Mets memorabilia, when Rafael came into the room and insulted him on his lack of decorative taste. That guy felt different from the Rafael sitting across from him, telling him about his troubles in fitting in. And yet… he also felt the same.)

“Thank you,” Sonny said, finally. “For talking to me.”

Rafael gave him a smile. “You’re not like them, Carisi.” There was a pause between them as Sonny took in those words from Rafael’s mouth. After what felt like eternity, Rafael slapped his thigh before rising to his feet. “No need to thank me. We could both use a friend, don’t you think?” He walked towards his desk, undoing his tie.

As Sonny stared at his back, he could feel some particular words trying to claw its way up his throat. He repeated it in his brain – _I like you I like you I like you I like you I like you I li_

 _­_ But he didn’t let it crawl through. Instead, Sonny finished his sandwich, threw the bag on his trashcan, and went back to sleep. 

**ii.**

Today was Sonny’s birthday.

He just turned 16.

Today was Sonny’s birthday. And he was at the rooftop of the dorm building.

Earlier, his mother had called from the school telephone, his entire family barraging his poor ear with greetings in heavy accents. He felt his heart sink as his mom told him of the food she was cooking for his special day. And how sorry she was that they couldn’t drive to Northwood due to the sordid weather back home. Sonny merely smiled and thanked them for calling anyway.

This was the first time he wasn’t spending his birthday with his family. He had the right to miss his mom’s cooking, and his dad’s bad singing voice, and his sisters pinching his dimpled cheeks until they turned red.

Sonny compensated by telling anyone who would listen that it was his big day. He even got sang to during English Lit. Most people would’ve found that uncomfortable, but not Sonny. He _loved_ traditions, particularly birthday-related ones.

Mike and Nick had wanted to go into the city for dinner. Maybe even grab some free cake and meet some girls along the way. But the Headmaster said that there were no drivers for the night. So the three boys just retreated into their dorm rooms and said goodbye to the awesome night out they had planned.

It was just around 9, and Sonny didn’t have anything to do but go back to his room. And he didn’t really feel like facing Rafael.

Instead, Sonny found the unlocked stairs leading to the rooftop.

The night was beautiful, cloudless. The billions of stars greeted Sonny when he looked at them, as if the universe itself was saying _Happy Birthday_ to him. Sonny’s view was particularly magnificent. Since his building was at the far edge of Northwood, his vantage point overlooked the forest ahead, the moonlight casting odd shadows on the horizon of trees.

Sonny closed his eyes, wrapping his jacket a little bit tighter around his waist.

He embraced the peacefulness. The silence.

As much as he would’ve loved going out with Mike and Nick, a quiet night by himself was just what he needed.

“Hey.”

Or so he thought.

Fearing he was getting caught by a staff member, Sonny turned around slowly. He expected a professor to tell him to get down immediately. Or a nosy snitch who would probably tell on him for being up on the rooftop.

He didn’t expect to see Rafael, a wool coat too large for him hanging around his shoulders.

“You shouldn’t be here,” the older boy said, walking over to him.

“Neither should you,” Sonny replied, turning to look at the forest again.

Rafael stopped a friendly distance beside him. Sonny sneaked a peek. The moonlight framed his face softly, a light pink tinting his nose and the tip of his ears. The both of them didn’t speak for a while, their eyes too busy staring into the vastness of the earth. Sonny took a large exhale, pushing his hands deeper into his pockets, cold.

“ _Oh,”_ Rafael piped up. “Happy birthday.”

Sonny couldn’t have whipped his head to him faster. “How’d you know that?”

Rafael looked at him, smirking. “You’ve got a huge red _‘H-B-D Me’_ written on your calendar, Carisi. How the hell can I miss it?”

Sonny’s cheeks burned red. He really did have a habit of being way too excited for his birthday. He _loved_ birthdays.

Unsurprisingly, Rafael was teasing him about it. Surprisingly, he extended an arm to show Sonny something that was on his hand.

It was a small chocolate muffin, one little blue candle on top.

“I, uh, stopped by the kitchen on my way to our room. They had these leftover muffins from dinner, and a drawer full of candles they said they never used,” Rafael said, shrugging, as if it wasn’t a big deal. “Perks of being Senior Class President, I guess.”

Sonny alternated his stare to Rafael and the little muffin on his palm.

“Just take the damn muffin, Carisi,” Rafael said, sounding only half-annoyed. Sonny’s mouth melted into a huge smile as he grabbed the gift from Rafael’s hand.

“Hey, thanks,” Sonny said. “I never really got gifts today.”

“It’s not even a gift.”

“ _Still.”_ The stupid lovesick grin on Sonny’s face didn’t seem to be going away. “I appreciate the thought, Barba.”

Rafael nodded only in the slightest. He stepped closer into Sonny’s personal space, fishing a lighter from his pocket. Sonny stared at his face as Rafael leaned into the muffin, flicking the lighter with his thumb as the other hand cupped the air around the wick. From their distance, Sonny could smell Rafael’s perfume. He smelled like how their room smelled.

 _Their_ room.

It shouldn’t be a big deal, but it kind of is.

And this muffin thing shouldn’t be a big deal, _but it really goddamn is._ Sonny wanted to ask if Rafael feeding him was going to be their thing, but he immediately caught himself. _Their thing?_ He has only known this boy for two months, and he’s already thinking about _their thing._

When the small spark finally grew into a steady fire, Rafael moved back. Just slightly. He never stepped away. He looked up at Sonny with a smile on his face. A smile that was half-smirk; Sonny’s favourite. He got caught up with the reflection of the fire in the older boy’s green eyes that he almost forgot breathing.

“Make a wish,” Rafael said.

Sonny closed his eyes.

_Please like me back._

When he opened his eyes, Rafael was staring up at him. He was staring at him with this look in his eyes that made Sonny think that maybe his wish did come true.

**iii.**

It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon at Northwood.

Sonny was sat safely beneath the shade of a great oak tree, overlooking the vast field. A number of students were getting their Vitamin D and playing under the sun. Clad in blue and white school attire, the Freshmen were kicking around a soccer ball without a net. It frustrated Sonny endlessly, watching them, not knowing what the goal of their game was.

And he shouldn’t be watching, really.

He was knee-deep in writing his arguments in Debate class, the notebook on his lap looking more like a battlefield than actual notes. He huffed in frustration as he tore out the entire page.

Sonny was smart. He _wanted_ to be a lawyer.

But the mere idea of going up against Buchanan in class the next day irked him. Sonny had to be prepared for anything.

“You know littering is against school policy, right?”

Sonny didn’t have to look up to know who it was. He rolled his eyes.

“Don’t worry, Mr. President,” he bit back. “I know how to clean up after myself.”

Sonny looked up to find Rafael smirking down at him, hands inside his charcoal dress pants. The boy was blocking the view of the sun, casting a bright glow behind Rafael’s silhouette. He looked like an angel.

“Do you?” Rafael crouched down to sit beside Sonny on the grass. His eyes raked around Sonny’s outfit – a grey hoodie, washed jeans and sandals.

“Not everyone can look as good as you,” Sonny muttered beneath his breath, turning his attention back to his homework.

Rafael leaned closer, their arms now touching. “Excuse me, what did you say?”

Sonny turned to him. “I said not everyone can look as good as me.” He grinned, dimples and all. Their faces were mere inches to each other. So close. Too close to Sonny’s liking.

The older boy smirked, eyes flickering momentarily to Sonny’s lips before pulling away. He leaned back on the trunk of the tree behind them, one hand on the back of his head. Sonny could feel Rafael staring at him from behind.

“So, what are you doing?” Like always, he tried to sound disinterested.

“Uh, you know, just stuff for Debate,” Sonny replied, whipping his head around to him.

One of Rafael’s brows shot up. “You’re stressing over Debate?”

Sonny rolled his eyes. “Look, Barba, not everyone is as gifted as you in the art of proving people wrong, alright?”

Rafael pushed himself off of the tree, bumping their shoulders together. “While I do appreciate the compliment, Carisi,” he said. “I always thought you were fine in discourse.”

“Oh, _Rafael,_ ” Sonny shoved Rafael just the slightest, the teasing evident in his tone. “Are you saying you believe in me?”

“No. I said you were _at least_ competent.” He gave him a look. “If not, then what was the point of rooming with me?”

“Free food from the kitchen?”

Rafael turned away to face the not-soccer game on the field, biting his lip to hide what looked like a smile. When he looked back at Sonny, the younger boy was smiling ear to ear.

“Fine. Let me help you.”

“Wait – what?”

He rolled his eyes. “Pro bono, Carisi. I can’t have the school knowing my roommate is a weak debater. I have a reputation to maintain.”

Sonny’s expression softened as he listened to Rafael explain. He couldn’t help the tender smile that was forming on his face – warm, grateful.

Rafael looked at him funny. “What.”

Sonny shrugged, the lovesick grin not dropping from his face. “Y’know, it wouldn’t hurt to admit that you like me, Barba.”

The other boy’s jaw dropped as if Sonny had offended his mother.

“Even just a little?” Sonny brought his almost-pinching hand in front of their faces. He was greatly enjoying how red the tips of Rafael’s ears were getting. When the other boy didn’t respond, Sonny said,

“Don’t worry, I–“

Rafael looked at him expectantly.

_I like you, too._

_I_ really _fucking like you._

_Maybe I even love you._

He wanted to say those things. Sonny wanted to say whatever he’s been hoping to say for the past months they’ve known each other. But every time he almost confessed, his tongue would crawl back into his mouth. Coward.

“I… appreciate what you’re doing.”

Rafael nodded, shooting him a clipped smile. He redirected the topic back into Sonny’s homework, and the two of them brainstormed ideas until the sun began to set, a glowing orange kissing Rafael’s skin.  
  


**iv.**

Rafael seemed off lately.

Aside from the fact that he went back to their dorm two hours earlier than he usually would, the boy had started to look slightly fidgety. His eyes would whip towards the door whenever someone knocked, and asked – _ordered_ was more accurate – Sonny to see who it was.

Sonny wasn’t even a detective yet, but he knew something was up.

“Earth to Barba.”

Rafael was sitting on his desk, a book open in front of him. His eyes were trained to the bare wall.

“Barba.”

No answer.

_“Hey, Rafi.”_

Finally, he snapped out of his thoughts. He stopped playing with the pen between his fingers and turned to look at Sonny over his shoulder. “You know you don’t have permission to use that nickname, right?”

Sonny rolled his eyes, a small smile on his face. “Okay, okay.” He’d heard that nickname from Rafael’s mother about a month ago, her voice loud and clear from the telephone’s speaker. Sonny had been waiting for an opportunity to tease the older boy about it.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Rafael looked at him hesitantly then went back to his work. “It’s nothing.”

“You’ve been distracted for an hour now, Barba.”

“I said it’s nothing.”

“Doesn’t seem like it–“

“Drop it, Carisi.” Rafael turned to give him a pointed look. Sonny put his arms up in surrender. He stared into the back of Rafael’s head for quite some time before he returned to his own book.

The room was filled with uncomfortable silence. Neither of them could focus on their own schoolwork, eyes sliding through the words with no intention. Sonny kept sneaking glances into the other boy, brows knitted together in worry. Rafael was never one to talk about his problems, but Sonny held quite the opposite philosophy. What a pair.

Before Sonny could even open his mouth, the sliding of paper, muffled laughter, and then retreating of footsteps cut through the atmosphere. Rafael bolted up from his seat and grabbed the folded white paper from the floor. The face he made when he read its content was enough to make Sonny’s stomach drop.

“Rafael, are you okay?” Sonny asked, pushing away his books and standing up.

Rafael ignored him, crushing the paper in his hand and throwing it to his desk. He was biting his left cheek, close to boiling point. Cautiously, Sonny took the paper and unwrapped it, ignoring Rafael’s warnings.

In messy blue ink, there was only one word that was in the paper, yet cutting all the same:

_Faggot_

Sonny’s worry turned to anger. He whipped his head towards Rafael, fingers trembling through the paper. “Who sent this?”

“It’s nobody. Some kids, I guess,” he shrugged, seemingly more unbothered than Sonny was.

“Raf, why– why are ‘ _some kids’_ sending you shit like this?”

“Because in case you didn’t know, Carisi, I’m gay,” Rafael said, clipped. Sonny stood there, dumb-struck, shocked at the fact that Rafael was more annoyed at _him_ than his harassers. However, from Sonny’s silence, the older boy seemed to draw out another conclusion.

He took the paper away from Sonny’s grip, motioning for him to back away. He couldn’t even look at Sonny’s face.

“When did this start?”

Rafael bit his tongue, swallowing a sarcastic remark that almost escaped his throat. He shifted his body to face Sonny, fist steadying him on his desk.

“Last week, I was out with a b– _someone_ … for the weekend. We, uh, went to this discreet gay bar at the edge of the city,” he explained, eyes boring into Sonny’s. “Had drinks. Kissed a little… while we were back in the streets. I–“ Rafael bit his lip. “I didn’t know someone was watching us.”

He suddenly opened his drawer, rummaging his loose pieces of paper. “They sent me these photos the morning after.” Rafael fished out some photographs and handed them to Sonny.

Three of the photographs were taken at the same location outside an entrance emitting blue lights. Sonny could immediately spot Rafael, dressed in his large coat, kissing a guy much, much taller than him. His arms were wrapped tightly around the other boy, their bodies close. Sonny had tried to ignore the aching jealousy in his chest, but couldn’t.

He swallowed. “Raf, you know being gay isn’t an offense here, right?” He looked up at him.

Rafael rolled his eyes. “Of course I do. That’s why I didn’t tell you.” He paused. “Those idiots had the balls to threaten to send those to Headmaster Cragen.”

“What do they even get out of that?”

“They’re bigots, Sonny,” Rafael said, taking the photographs from Sonny’s deathly grip. “They take pleasure in harassing minorities.”

The anger inside Sonny was starting to simmer to the surface. “Well, then why don’t you report them?”

A dark huff of laughter came out of Rafael’s mouth. Twisted and determined, he said, “Oh, please. As if I’ll give them the satisfaction of knowing they got to me.”

+

The Northwood lake was gleaming this particular morning, thanks to the beautiful sun. It was a fine Saturday, just like the previous Saturdays. And, as usual, Sonny and Rafael were out on the lawn, ten feet away from the water. They’d spent most weekends in this particular spot, either studying or talking or just enjoying each other’s existence.

Sonny sank into the grass, one hand behind his head. He closed his eyes, peaceful, as Rafael watched over the lake, singing soft lullabies.

They remained in that state of tranquillity for quite some time. Sonny was about to fall asleep when he could hear laughter coming from above, some chatter, and the punctuation of a slur. Rafael had stopped singing.

Sonny instantly sat up from his position. When he whipped around, he found a group of boys a few feet ahead, sparing glances at the both of them as they walked away. He was about to stand up when a hand grabbed his arm.

Rafael pleaded him sternly with his eyes. But Sonny can’t just let them get away.

He tore himself from Rafael’s grip and began jogging over to the group. “Hey! Hey, assholes!”

The three of them immediately turned around, smug smiles on their faces when they saw Sonny heading towards them. He wanted to punch those stupid grins off their mouths. And so, without hesitation, he did.

With all his strength, Sonny took a swing at the guy in the middle, hitting him right on the cheek. A painful sting tore through his knuckles, but he ignored it. The adrenaline was enough to keep him from feeling the hurt. The blond boy collapsed to the grass, his friends turning their attention to him.

“What the hell?!” The blond yelled, a hand on his face.

Sonny pointed at him. “That’s for being a homophobic piece of shit.” He was caught up in his anger, blinded temporarily. Amidst the red, he still felt it when a hand landed on his shoulder. Immediately, he relaxed his shoulders.

“Sonny, come on,” Rafael whispered, pulling him gently.

Hesitant, he gave into the touch, turning with Rafael to walk away.

_“D’you always make your boyfriends do all the fighting, Barba?”_

Rafael spun his heel. “No, I am very much capable of defending myself.” He gave the boy a once-over, focusing primarily on the blood seeping down his nose. “Although, Anderson, I can’t say the same about you. Being a bully doesn’t make you stronger; _solo te hace un el cabron._ ”

And with that he walked away, a smirking Sonny in tow.

+

“Ow,” Sonny winced as they entered their room, his knuckles suddenly stinging.

Rafael turned to him with wide eyes. “Let me see.” He reached for Sonny’s right hand, his touch soft and firm. As he was examining the wound, his thumb was rubbing circles on Sonny’s fingers.

A warmth crept through the back of Sonny’s neck.

Smiling, Rafael said, “You’ll live.” He let go of Sonny and unloosened his suspenders, moving to sit on the left bed. Sonny’s. He looked up at the younger boy. “You didn’t have to do that, you know.”

Sonny smiled, shaking his head. “I kinda did. And you know what? I loved it.”

Rafael chuckled. Sonny moved to sit next to him, their clothed thighs creating friction.

“Those guys, they really hate me,” Rafael said, eyes on his entwined hands. “We’ve been on each other’s necks since Freshman year. I say things, I step on their toes, and men like that, their egos are so big you’d think they’d have the smarts to back up their confidence.

“I think that when they took those pictures of me, they thought that they finally won.”

“And yet they still didn’t,” Sonny concluded.

Rafael snorted. “Men like that, they never win.”

The younger man watched the other as he stared into the blank space in front of him. Sonny can’t help but feel such deep admiration for the boy in front of him. As their hands orbited around each other like planets in search of collision, Sonny bit back the three words he had so desperately wanted to say since day one.

This moment – he can never have another one of these again.

The words can wait.

**+1**

There must be something in the air today, because Rafael has been awfully chipper. Ever since breakfast, he’d had this smile on his face; something Sonny enjoyed looking at, but was also very much disarmed by. So, the blue-eyed boy spent the entire school day thinking of Rafael’s sun-filled smile. He longed to go back to their room and ask what he was so happy about.

When class ended at 5PM, he retreated immediately to Room 304.

Rafael wasn’t there.

Sonny stripped down into pants and a Northwood sweater, thinking to kill the time by doing his homework. He sat on the corner of his bed with a book on his lap, unable to focus on the words at all.

It took forty-two minutes for Rafael to barge in the room.

There he was, smiling from ear-to-ear, tie already unloosened.

“Hey, Sonny.”

 _Sonny?_ Did he just call him Sonny? The younger boy gaped as Rafael removed his bag and blazer as if he didn’t just do the one thing Sonny had been hoping he’d do for six months.

He slammed his book shut and asked, “Okay, what’s up?”

“Huh?” Rafael looked at him, in the middle of undoing his tie.

“You’ve been smiling the _entire day_ , and you just called me Sonny,” he said. “Either you won the lottery, or you’re a clone pretending to be Rafael Barba.”

Instead of ridiculing his accusation ( _how!),_ Rafael jumped to Sonny’s bed, propping himself up with his left elbow. He was staring up at Sonny with his big, green eyes, sparkling and happy. Sonny gulped.

“I got accepted to Harvard.” A grin spread across his face as he said those words. Unconsciously, he placed a large hand on Sonny’s thigh. “Sonny, I’m going on a full scholarship.”

The raw happiness radiating from Rafael was incredibly infectious, as Sonny was grinning now as well.

“Congratulations!” Sonny lunged into Rafael, wrapping him in a tight embrace. Surprisingly, he hugged back with one arm, burying his head on the nape of Sonny’s neck. This was the most contact they’ve ever had, and yet it felt so comfortable. They held each other like that for a while before pulling away.

“I’m gonna miss you,” Rafael said in a whisper.

It was so sudden Sonny wasn’t even sure he’d heard it. He stared at him with doey eyes. A deer in the headlights.

The older boy chuckled, looking down for a second before catching Sonny’s eyes again. “I mean it, Sonny.”

Before Sonny could formulate a response or even process what Rafael was saying, a pair of soft lips were suddenly on his. Rafael’s right hand held his jaw, touch light. It didn’t take long before Sonny was returning the kiss, his mouth moving along Rafael’s. His hands snaked into Rafael’s waist as he gently pushed Sonny’s back into the mattress.

Sonny could feel the heat rising on his face as Rafael climbed atop him.

“Raf, I love you.”

The words came out of Sonny’s mouth as a moan, more like a reflex than anything else. The three words he’d been wanting to say for a long time, now out in the open. Rafael pulled away slightly, lips just hovering above Sonny’s. His eyes were full of revelation.

“Finally,” he smirked.

Sonny’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “What?”

“You know I kissed you first because I knew you wouldn’t do it yourself, right?” Suddenly, Sonny felt so stupid. Either because he didn’t know he’d been so obvious, or because he didn’t know Rafael felt the same, or _both._

After the silence, Rafael attempted to connect their mouths again, but Sonny was still deep in thought. “Wait,” he murmured in the boy’s lips. “You’ve known this whole time?”

“Sonny, you were checking me out in my bathrobe on our third day as roommates. You weren’t really being subtle.”

“Well, why didn’t you say anything?” Sonny was having a difficult time wrapping his head around the idea that Rafael liked him almost as long as Sonny did. Rolling his eyes, Rafael got off of Sonny and lied down on his side, elbow supporting his weight.

“I was waiting for you to say something,” he shrugged. “ _Anything._ And then I got my acceptance letter and, you know, I got tired of waiting.”

Sonny offered him a tight-lipped smile, chest bursting in affection as he stared at Rafael’s shy eyes. Instead of replying, he closed the distance between them and kissed Rafael square on the lips. The other’s eyes fluttered shut at the contact, melting at Sonny’s touch.

“I’m sorry I took so long,” Sonny whispered.

“Better than nothing, right?”

Sonny pressed his forehead to Rafael’s before the both of them sunk down onto the bed. They tangled their legs together, hands pressed between their chests. Their faces were so close, Sonny could count the freckles dotting Rafael’s cheeks. He looked absolutely breath-taking up close.

Hearts beating in sync, they fell asleep in that cozy position, bodies fitting together perfectly like a puzzle that remained unsolved for too long.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on twitter @LACASADESPARZA!


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